A Very Perry Christmas
by EDD17SP
Summary: A rather lengthy Christmas poem in which Doofenshmirtz tries to take over the world by capturing Santa Claus and stealing his magic sleigh. Perry might not be able to stop Dr. D's plans alone this time!


**Don't ask me why I wrote this. I just felt like it. I suck at writing poetry, so…well, this might not be that great.**

**I do not own Phineas and Ferb. Duh. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this.**

T'was two days before Christmas and all through the town

A thick layer of sand covered the ground.

Dr. D was up to his usual tricks

With a plan to make sure that no snow will stick!

Agent P came to the rescue, right on time, not belated

Crashing in through a window, he heard _Doofenshmirtz_ _Evil Incorporated!_

"Ah, Perry the Platypus!" Doof said with a grin.

"I've been expecting you! Please, come right in!"

He pulled out a remote and pushed a big button.

A cage trapped poor Perry, and he was royally stuck in!

"I'll bet you'd like to know what's up with the sand.

Well, I'll tell you, of course, it's all part of my plan!

You see, with no snow, winter's just cold and dreary.

But snow makes it all so much more cheery!

That's why the sand, because it conducts heat.

I got the idea this year at the beach.

With this old-fashioned heat ray, I'll keep the sand hot,

And tonight when it snows, it won't stick to the spot!

Won't all the children be so sad and blue

When they come to build snowmen, and arn't able to."

Perry knew he must stop this. The town was counting on him!

So he fast picked the lock and jumped out with a grin.

He hit Doof upside the head with a flick of his tail

Then sprang at the inator, hot on the trail

Of the self-destruct button to blow up the ray

The inator exploded, and Perry was away.

_Now to clean up all this sand,_

The platypus thought.

_I'll use the agency's big fan, that one Carl bought._

And as Perry left, Doof climbed from the floor,

Thinking of all the bruises he'd suffered before.

"I'm so sick of losing! It just isn't fair!

That platypus makes me want to rip out my hair!"

"What can I do to finally win…?"

And then Doof's face lit up with a grin.

The smile was evil, crafty, and sly

"I know what to do! I'll give it a try.

I'm going to stop Christmas, once and for all!

I need to buy parts. Off to the mall!"

So t'was the night before Christmas when Perry landed his craft

He was sure that this fight would not be his last.

He came in through the back and found Doofenshmirtz waiting

Polishing a machine with heavy steel plating.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, I'm so glad that you're here.

Now I can finally kick my plan into gear!"

He quickly caught Perry in a tightly strung net

Making extra sure loose the agent would not get.

Perry squirmed and he struggled, but could not get free.

There was no method of escape he could easily see.

"I've got a new idea, a whole new evil plan.

I've typed it up here in the font Courier Sans."

He straightened the paper and put on his glasses.

"Tonight, I'll strike fear into the hearts of the masses!

I'll capture Santa Claus and his magical sleigh,

And then use that magic to make everyone say

That Doofenshmirtz is the supreme ruler of the world!

I shall dictate over every man, boy and girl!"

Then he laughed evilly and a few switches did flick

And the big machine began to whir, hum, and tick.

The roof canopy retracted and Perry let out a cry.

The whole top of the building was starting to fly!

Doof patted his machine, it being funneled in shape.

"This tractor beam will suck in Santa, and he won't escape!"

I'll lock him in this acrylic bubble here

He'll never get out, nor will his deer!"

They hovered over town in Dr. D's lab

Doof scanning the sky, so cloudy and drab

For nine little reindeer, and the jingling bells

Of Santa's old sleigh, filled with presents from elves.

Twelve chimes from the old clock downtown

Gave Perry a chill, for accompanying the sound

Was a small light from the sky, glowing red, bright and clear,

It was the brightly lit nose of Santa's lead reindeer.

So Doof aimed his device and pulled back the trigger.

A green beam shot out, growing bigger and bigger.

As it struck the big sleigh, they heard Santa Claus yelp,

"HO HO HO- HELP!"

The beam, it retracted, and it along pulled the sled

Perry could only watch it grow closer with dread.

He couldn't get free, for the net was too tight.

He wouldn't be able to stop Doof that night.

"It's working! It's working!" Doof cried out with glee.

"When I've got Santa in chains, you just wait and see!

I'll take over the world with his magical sled.

But you already knew that, it's already been said."

The sleigh runners touched down on the lab's dusty floor

And Santa Claus said, "Doofenshmirtz, you old sore,

I knew you were trouble, quite evil, I did!

You always were, ever since you were a kid!

But you've gone too far this time, dude!"

But Doof, he just laughed, loud and quite rude.

Into the canopy prison, Doof, he shoved Santa.

"Now I'll make the whole world, from Egypt to Atlanta

Bow down to me!" He told the jolly old elf.

"We already know, Doof, stop repeating yourself."

Doof unhitched the deer and sat down in the sleigh

"Now to send the world into a fray!"

But then, far below on the snow-covered ground

There arose a loud growl, a high-decibel sound.

"What is that noise?" Doof asked. "It's so loud, good Lord!"

Why, it was Candace Flynn, in a Mustang, from Ford.

And along for the ride were Phineas and Ferb

And Isabella, there, too, with justice to serve.

"We're on our way, Perry!" Candace yelled out.

"We'll rescue you and Santa, too, have no doubt!"

Perry smiled. He had to. His friends would save the day!

As long as Doof did not stop them halfway.

Candace looked at the lab, still floating up there.

"How will we get up there, so high in the air?"

"There's only one way," Phineas said in reply.

"There're up forty stories, so we'll just have to fly!"

Sarcastically, Isabella asked, "By flapping our wings?"

"Oh, dear Isabella, worry not of such things.

We've equipped this old car with mechanics to fly!

So Sis, push that red button, and take to the sky!"

The tires lifted off when the button was pressed

And flying made Candace slightly distressed.

She twisted the wheel, trying to turn,

But nothing happened. And that got her concerned.

"Phineas! Nothing's happening! How do I steer?"

Phineas's smiled faded. "Oh boy. Oh dear.

In-flight steering got somehow left out."

Isabella yelled, "Look out for that building! We'll crash on this route!"

Candace hit the brakes, but her efforts were naught

Stopping was something else her brothers forgot.

The 'Stang hit a tower, the one with the clock.

It stuck there a moment…and then dropped like a rock.

"AHHHHHH!" They all screamed as down the car fell.

At the very least, the landing went well.

They all were quite glad of the soft substance below,

For the Ford stuck right-side up in the snow.

The engine stalled out with a rattle and clatter,

The nose of the car was really quite battered.

"Well this is fantastic! Now what do we do?!"

Candace asked of her brothers, who had not a clue.

"Why not see if it starts?" Isabella suggested.

"We have no other options. Might as well test it."

So Candace shrugged and to the key put her hand,

Hoping against hope that the engine could stand

The high-speed impact it had with the wall,

An impact so hard, it caused it to stall.

The engine cranked as the starter spun,

The tension in the air weighed 'bout a ton.

And then with a cough, the engine turned over!

They all gave a cheer and away Candace drove 'er!

"Now how to get up there? Flying's not the right mode,"

Candace said, while the crumpled front bumper dragged on the road.

Phineas said, "Why, we can jump the car through the air.

We'll just launch off a ramp. That'll get us up there."

"Phineas, are you nuts?!" Candace yelled out.

"If we miss Doof's platform, we'll perish, no doubt!

We'll never survive the fall back to earth!

We have to save Christmas, but that risk it's not worth!"

"Come on Candace," Isabella said, "We at least have to try."

Candace grimaced. "Fine. But I'm blaming you three if we die.

Now what are we going to use for a ramp?

Hopefully something that isn't too damp

'Cause the tires won't stick. They'll slide all around.

That surely won't help us get off the ground."

They set off on a search. It was Isabella who spied

Something of interest, and to the others she cried

"How about that old flatbed truck there?

With the bed lowered down against the road square

It'll be perfect." "Are you sure?" "Guaranteed!

Just tilt the angle up sharp and gain plenty of speed!"

So Candace pulled over and from the car Ferb jumped out

He set to work adjusting the flatbed about

For the trajectory to take them high into the air

And land perfectly on Dr. D's big floating lair.

"Okay, that should do it," said the green-haired Brit.

"Let's hope this here car is still readily fit

To make such a jump." Candace shifted in gear

And backed up the Mustang 'till they were far enough clear.

"Okay, this is it! Let's get on with this show!

We're coming for you, Perry! Let's go, go, go!"

Candace shoved her right foot to the floor

Upshifting the gears, first, then second, third, and four!

The car hit the ramp with a jarring _bang!_

And when the tires left the ground, the big engine sang

Out a deafening growl as toward Doof they did soar.

On it's wheels it landed, thankfully all four.

The kids all jumped out as Doof looked up in surprise.

"How did you get up here? And who are you guys?"

"Phineas! Ferb!" Santa called out with glee.

"I had a feeling you'd come rescue little 'ol me!"

"Of course we did, Santa," Phineas said in reply.

"Hey, kids!" Doof called out, "I don't mean to pry,

But you're invading my space, and I do not take kindly

To anyone who makes an attempt to stop me!"

"Oh, you needn't worry about that, Dr. D.

We're just here to free Perry. You can deal with he."

"No! Don't you dare set that platypus loose!"

Isabella untied him. "Well, that cooks my goose."

"Go get 'em, Perry!" Phineas told his pet.

The platypus hugged his friends, then turned to Doof and let

Out a mighty battle cry! Okay, it was more like a chatter.

He looked at Santa, then Doof, and then sprang at the latter.

The kids only watched Perry strike Doof on the chin,

Then they all turned away, and blocked out the din

Of the fight right behind them, they needed no proof

It was a heck of a pounding that Perry gave Doof.

When they heard Doof's pained shouting finally pause,

They turned to see Perry release Santa Claus.

Santa emerged from his acrylic cell.

"Oh, thank you children! As I'm sure you could tell

I was in quite a jam, and Perry was, too.

Christmas wouldn't have been saved, had it not been for you."

Phineas waved it off. "Ah, it was nothing. Don't mention it, sir.

But, I don't think Candace would agree if we were to confer."

The teenager in question was examining her Ford.

"Oh, my poor car is mangled." But her moans were ignored.

Then Claus approached Doofenshmirtz, a crumpled heap on the floor.

"You, sir, have delayed my world-wide gift tour.

Now I am late! I'll never finish my run!

There's too much to deliver before up comes the sun."

Isabella said, "Hey! We four and Perry could prob'ly assist!

We can help you fulfill every wish on your list!"

"Let us take care of America," Phineas said,

"so hand off those presents, and we'll do them instead."

"You'd do that?" asked Santa, "That's quite a large task!

Of you, that's more than I'm willing to ask."

"It's not like we haven't helped you before.

Only this time, we'll cover a few houses more.

We can even travel on this big floating…thing

Of Doof"s, and to each home the gifts bring."

So Santa climbed in the sleigh and from his sack's contents

He extracted all of the Untied States' presents.

"When I have finished delivering to the rest of the world

I will come back here. Good luck boys and girls."

"Ngrgrgrgrgrgr."

"And platypus."

And Santa took off with a snap of the reigns.

Said Phineas, "Come on, guys! I don't have to explain

That we really must hurry, to hit every home's roof."

"Phineas?" Candace said, "What should we do with Doof?"

The scientist picked himself up from the floor.

"Guys," said he, "I'm real sorry 'bout what happened before.

It's just what I do. Conquest is my thing.

But- What's this?" Doof bent down and picked up a spring.

"I wonder what this is from. Anyway, here's my vision.

To hit every home, you're gonna need sharp precision.

It would be simple to convert this here tractor beam

Into a brand new device, and gift delivering machine!"

Skeptical were Phineas, Ferb, and their friends

But Doofenshmirtz's remorse did not seem pretend.

Phineas sighed. "I guess we need all the help we can get.

But if you try to betray us-" "Oh, kids, don't you fret.

Perry's already beat me, quite fair and square.

My plan's over, I'll help you, this I can swear!"

With that, Doofenshmirtz's position was settled.

So they all set to work, on the tractor beam. Metal,

Wires and pipes flew in the night

Until the thing was reassembled, the fasteners tight.

The machine would launch the gifts right down each chimney.

A computerized scope sought the holes out in the dimly

Lit night, much better than their eyes could see.

And Doof's help was quite handy, that they all could agree.

"Now let's get a move on! There's no time to waste!"

"Hey, if I ate Santa's cookies, would that be in bad taste?"

So they soared over Danville as fast as they could

Making sure all the gifts ended up where they should.

The presents sailed down chimneys, falling right under the trees

Which seemed conveniently placed for such accurate ease.

"That does it for Danville," Candace said with a smile.

"Let's move on to the next town. This'll take a quite a while."

So they flew coast to coast, from L.A. to New York,

Like some kind of big gift-delivering stork.

The pile of presents was slowly exhausted

launching gifts toward roof-tops, roof-tops snow frosted.

It took them all night, but they finished just in time

Good thing, because I'm all out of ideas to rhyme.

With their task now complete, they returned home to Danville

Having enjoyed their arduous trip of goodwill.

A few minutes later, Santa's deer landed

On Doof's floating lab where the six heroes still standed.

I know that word isn't grammatically right,

But come on, this is hard! The mistake's only just slight.

Santa said, "I never can thank you all enough."

"Don't mention it," said Phin. "It really wasn't that tough."

"Just a few things more before I bid you adieu."

Claus held out a small present. "Candace, this is for you."

"Really?" The teenager unwrapped it right quick.

It looked like a wand carved out of a stick.

"Um…thanks? But, just what is this for?"

Santa Claus pointed at her car 'cross the floor.

"Just give it a wave at your old Mustang there."

So she did, and by Santa's magic, the damage repaired.

"Awesome! You're the best, Santa! Thanks so much, loads!

Now I just have to get it back down on the road."

"You're quite welcome." Then he to Doofenshmirtz turned.

"Heinz? Am I right to assume that your lesson's been learned?

Because believe me, Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

If not, from now on I'll give you nothing but shirts!"

"Actually, I could use some new shirts in my drawer…"

Santa glared. "I'm sorry, Santa. You, I really adore.

You give so selflessly on this day of the year,

It's not fair of me to ruin everyone's cheer."

"And now," Santa said, "for Perry. One more surprise.

Agent P, you have won the Nobel Peace Prize!"

"That can't be possible!" Doof cried. "There's no way that is true!"

Claus placed the medal on Perry. "This belongs to you."

"Now, P, children and Doof, my work here is done.

Head on back home, open your gifts, and have fun!"

"Goodbye, Santa Claus! See you next year!"

The gang called to Santa and his nine reindeer.

It was in a field that Doof set his lab down

So the Mustang could drive back onto the ground.

"Thanks Doof!" Candace said. Her thanks, Doof dismissed.

"It's the least I could do. Don't mention it, miss."

"So long, Dr. D! Now let's get out of here,"

Candace said as she shifted in gear.

The gang was exhausted, so the drive home was quiet,

The Ford's passengers were all resting inside it,

Except Candace, of course, who still had to drive.

They finally reached home at 6:55.

As they climbed from the 'Stang, Phineas broke the fourth wall.

"Merry Christmas, everyone, Merry Christmas to all!

And now, here's our gift from our cast to you.

A gift I can say that I wanted, too."

"What's that mean?" Isabella asked him, bemused.

"Could you explain that, please? I am quite confused."

"I love you, Isabella." Phineas kissed his best friend.

For the present, you see, is a Phineabella end.

The End

**I rather enjoyed writing that. It had everything that I like in a story: Perry and Doofenshmirtz, Candace working with the boys instead of trying to bust them, a Ford Mustang, broke the fourth wall, and Phineabella. Doesn't get much better than that, for me at least.**

**I hope you all enjoyed my holiday poem. Good or bad, let me know what you think.**

**Happy Holidays, everyone!**

**Sincerely,**

**EDD17SP**


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